It's incredibly heartbreaking that it had to come to that because of unhealthy circumstances. But I am not about to sacrifice my life for it, no matter how much it is a part of me.

This new chapter is completely different or at least I'm excited and hopeful that it will be.

Next change... cleaning the disaster I like to call "my room"

I don't feel like freshman year of college was that long ago...but as I'm reminded by the photos taken recently of TIU graduation, I am reminded that it wasn't yesterday. Five years...Really??? Some pretty hard and heavy lessons were learned. There is this part of me that wants to go back, jut for a day...or a week...or more...it was a good time
But when I visit the campus or talk with those still enjoying their limited time there I am reminded that you can never go back, I don't really want to and what I have now is pretty good.

I can't help but wonder if I'll look back on this five years from now and say the same thing...and that's what kind of scares me.

the waiting game

There are very few things that I am certain of.
And at this moment I would give just about anything to be absolutely certain about two things in my life.
But right now I don't have a clue as to what to think about either.
How long does it take to know what you want?

i feel like if i wait too much longer i'll be wasting time...not my time...but maybe other peoples...

We're back!

We're back! New Orleans was such a good time! The 9 of us got to know each other so well. These guys worked their butts off at the work sites! I think all of us are master house painters now!Small groups were probably my highlight. Some nights what came out in small group was heartbreaking, I hope being around people who care helped those who shared.

My left arm is covered in 20 small red bumps due to a fire ant hill I didn't see. I feel diseased.
I contracted some kind of virus while I was down there that has yet to get better too. Even though Nick gave me the night off today I was going to go to Club anyway but with this thing that has unwelcomingly infiltrated my body and left me gasping for air every two minutes because my nose is so clogged and my tonsils are so swollen there is no way (sorry if that was too much information)...And I had this great April Fool's Day joke planned! Bummer!

A week before I left for N.O I bought a $5 engagement-looking ring at Kohl's. I was going to wear it to my meeting with Nick, then to adult leader dinner, and then Campus Life. I wasn't going to say anything and just see who noticed or what happened...don't worry, Wes was in on it.

Well, I wish I could say that I get to stay in bed all day but I have to start moving my stuff from Wauconda. Hopefully by tonight I will be fully moved back to Lake Zurich.

New Orleans baby!

We leave in two days!
things to pray for: safe traveling, patience, rest, and strong relationships with others and with the LORD!

Be back March 29th!

Defining God

I was talking with a certain special person the other night and my views are a little rocked...in a good way, I think...
I realized that my view of God is what I define Him as...but that may not necessarily be an accurate description of who He is. Example: Jane is blind and touches a cat. She feels the tail and the back and says "cats are quiet, furry and soft". But she didn't experience the cat's claws or hear the cat hiss. She doesn't know what a cat really is, she just knows what she experienced.

I know we will never know or understand all of who God is but I'm not satisfied knowing what I know. To be honest it shatters my point of view a little. I think of God as "gracious" and that defines my view of God. Someone else my say "sovereign" and that completely changes things. It's the same God but people have a different view of Him. Arrgh! I don't understand what I want to.

I don't think we were meant to create our opinion about God on our own experience.

Tis the season of being busy

I hate to admit it because of course I pride myself on being perfect (kidding, kidding) but I really need to work harder at this balance thing. Last week my family called inviting me to dinner for the third time in a month...I had to decline the other two because of pre-made plans or obligations. Even while I was at dinner my mind was reeling with all of the things I would have to do when I got home that night, who I would have to call, what e-mails I would have to send out before the next day. Each day is a never ending task list and I don't know how much longer before I have a little Annie-meltdown. My room has been a mess of clean and not so clean clothes, winter garments, and shoes for the past three weeks. I have so many appointments, one-on-ones, and things to remember I just stopped writing them on my calendar because I don't remember to look at it before I leave in the morning...to return past 10pm when my roommates are already sleeping. My one or two hours at home each day while I am awake is spent going over programing for Campus Life or sending out more e-mails. I'm starting to see my computer as a nemisis rather than a helpful, necessary, aid in my life. It's a wonder I even have time to talk to Wes anymore. How did this get so out of balance? Is this just what it's supposed to be like in March because of the different events taking place? Or did I really mess up my schedule unknownly? I find myself so excited for the summer when schedules are clear and programing is less which means I can see friends, students, and family more. How in the world would I handle this if I had a family of my own? I suppose that's why it's so easy to be a workaholic when you're single.

C'mon Summer!